Cigarette: Kills Human or Saves Humanity

“Cigarette smoking is injurious to health” So what??? Look at all positives it offers, not only to an individual but to our society and the mankind as a whole.

Lets start from micro economics. Mr Chandru, a street side cigarette vendor, tells that he makes a pure profit of around Rs. 5000 per month just by selling cigarettes. There are also side-products that go best with the fags, tea being the most common, which benefits the tea industry and a billion people associated with it directly or indirectly and of course Mr. Chandru. And think of all those philanthropist who give free smoke to all the non-smokers by paying and burning their own lungs. The non-smoker category may include infants, school children, pregnant women etc who get the smoke and along with that around 4000 chemicals absolutely FREE. And they say Cigarette smoking is injurious to health.

Lets go to a slightly bigger arena. Cigarettes play a very important role in country's development. Ever heard of excise duties? Cigarettes contribute to around 10% of the total excise taxes. Now thats a huge amount. Also look at the employment opportunities it provides. Right from the fields where the tobacco is grown, to the cigarette producers like ITC, Godfrey Phillips etc; from the ad companies, who make the pseudo ads for cigarette brands, to the streetside shopkeepers like our own Mr. Chandru. And what about the children? Mr. Chandru employs two 9 year olds to help him run his business. The same would be the case at each stage of the product development and distribution. Its fun time for the kids who are a part of this chain. They don't have to go to school, so no studies. They earn money and can do what they want to do. In a way they are Independent, isnt it what we fought for during the first half of twentieth century? What if it has a bad effect on their health? What if they don't make it big in their life like Dr Kalam or Mrs Gandhi ? Its a small price to pay to make India the largest producer and exporter of tobacco. Now, don't you agree Cigarettes are important to keep the India going?

Lets come to national unity? During the independence, India was divided in states based on linguistic grounds to avoid conflicts. But man is such a genius that he can find thousand reasons to fight; religion, rivers, financial status, quota in higher education, are just to name a few. Have you ever seen people fight over cigarette? No. Because you don't have to. Thats the kind of power it has. A few weeks back there were a lot of heated discussions between friends from east and from west. The topic was of national interest, "Sachin In, Dada Out!!". But amidst the hostile exchange of words, only one other thing was shared amicably, 'Thee Cigarette'!!! Even Einstein would have been proud of this Grand Unifying Force.
So often I have seen an IT professional, a road side worker and a Benz owner buy a Cigarette from Mr. Chandru. And when there aren't sufficient matchsticks for everyone, they use other's Cigarette to light their own. The sight is no less than lighting of candles in "Mile Sur Mera Tumhara". Isn't that great? Financial status no bar, caste no bar, religion no bar, age no bar. Now thats for me is "Unity In Diversity"!!!

Not only in social life, but the Cigarette plays a pivotal role in the education system as well. Its the order to get a Cigarette which breaks the ice between a fresher and the seniors. Cigarette is, arguably, the best style statement available in college to impress the beauties. And how can anyone forget that day, that special day... that day before the exam when you don't find the syllabus! Tension all over. Its the Cigarette, and the nicotine present in it, who comes to the rescue by relieving all the tension and making you believe that you are never alone even if you are alone when you have your Cigarette with you. It does make you dependent and reduces you tolerance but its fine...

So you would agree that cigarette is the source of eternal happiness, not only for you, but for all around you. Its time to stop banning Cigarette and tobacco and focus on more important and community saving issues like "Should Smirti Irani be back as Tulsi?". We are the ones who can bring her back. Cigarette smoking is injurious to health, well thats just a crap.


-- The author is a well established non-smoker and has ulterior motives in the above piece of writing.